Is It Wrong?
by Sugary.-.Snow
Summary: A quick Spamano fic about Lovino's feelings for Antonio. Rated M for Lemon and suicide attempt. Lovino doesn't believe that he and Antonio feel the same way about each other but when Antonio does confess his love for him Lovino wonders if he's telling the truth or is he just using him like he's used many girls in the past.


Antonio has been taking care of me for as long as I can remember. When I got hurt or scared he's always been there for me to treat my wounds and make all my fears disappear. I love him. I love him more than anything in the world.

But I don't think he feels the same way. Mostly because he's had multiple _girl_friends, all of which I've absolutely hated, and I made it very clear that I hated them.

I was 14 years old and he was 20. I peeked out my bedroom door and watched as he let another one of his girlfriends in the house at about 1:30 in the morning.

"Don't you live with someone?" She asked nervously, "What if he hears us?"

"Don't worry; he's had to have gone to bed by now," Antonio smiled, "Besides we can just go in my room and he won't wake up if we're quiet."

I wasn't stupid. He only wanted one thing from all these girls, _sex_. And after he was done with them they didn't remain his girlfriend for long.

He took her hand and led the way to his room as I watched, every step they took to his room added more pain that was building up in my heart.

I don't know why I stayed awake after that. I don't know why I _always_ stay awake after they go into his room but never bother closing the door all the way. I could hear them whispering.

"Everything….amazing…" I could only hear pieces of what Antonio said.

Then I heard him moan her name loudly.

_Oh, that's why._ I loved to hear the sound of his moans. I was a 14 year old pervert. But every time he said _her_ name was only a harsh reminder that it would never me _my_ name he was calling out. I would never be able to give him that kind of pleasure.

I heard Antonio moan again and I felt myself slowly becoming excited. _No. _Tonight that wouldn't be enough. I wanted to _see_ his face when he came for some reason. _Damn, I'm disgusting. I'm horrible. What was I thinking, we're both men and I'm under-aged…_

Eager to see his face I silently crept out of my room and peeked inside his. They were under the blankets and he was on top of her pushing in and pulling back out at a steady pace. I kept extremely quiet. It would be bad if they noticed me.

I stood at an angle where I could get a perfect view of Antonio's face. I watched closely until he reached his limit and came.

Just when my wish was about to be fulfilled that _bitch_ kissed him, blocking his face from my view. He collapsed on top of her. Angrily I went back to my room and as soon as I closed the door I threw a silent tantrum. I began punching my pillow furiously and silently cursing everything and everyone.

Soon I burst out in tears and just lied on my bed sobbing.

_Why couldn't that be me in there? Why doesn't he love me?_

The only conclusions I could come to were the obvious ones. I'm not attractive enough. I'm annoying and mean. I'm too young. I'm a _boy._ …Eventually I cried myself to sleep and I awoke hours later to the sound of a shower running.

_Was that woman gone?_ I got out of my bed and rubbed my eyes. Then I heard a crash come from Antonio's room. I ran in there quickly.

"Antonio, what—" I stopped midsentence when I saw that girl was still here. It looks like she had knocked over a picture of me and Antonio when I really young. That picture had a glass frame which had broken when it hit the floor. She was currently trying to pick up some of the glass and had cut her had.

I couldn't help but notice she was wearing nothing besides one of the bed sheets wrapped around her.

"I-I'm sorry," She stuttered as she tried to pick up the glass. "I knocked it over. I'll clean it up…"

"Shut up!" I yelled at her. All my anger from the previous night hadn't been fully released. Now I couldn't hold it in any longer, "Just shut up you stupid whore! Don't you realize Antonio doesn't even like you?"

She stared at me, shocked, "Wh-what?"

"You heard me! He only wanted you for sex and now that you gave him what he wants he's just going to dump you!" I was telling the complete truth. It's what Antonio always did and it's what he was going to do now. "So what are you still doing here? You don't belong here! You're not wanted here! Just go away! Get out!"

Suddenly I was turned around and slapped right across the face. I looked up to see Antonio glaring down at me. He was soaking wet and all he had on was a towel wrapped around his waist.

I was beyond shocked as my cheek began to feel hot where he hit me and tears filled my eyes. "A-Antonio I just—"

"Go to your room! Now, Lovino! I don't want to look at you right now!" He pointed in the direction of my room. I had never seen him so angry.

I looked away as the tears began to spill out and I sniffed, "Okay…I'm sorry…"

I walked back into my room and slowly shut the door behind me and locked it. Immediately I dropped to the floor and continued to cry. Eventually I heard the front door shut and knew she had left.

"What have I done…? He hates me!" I whispered to myself, "And if he hates me…_I hate me_…" I could feel the rage filling me up.

I stood up and began destroying my room. I tore posters off the walls; I flipped my bed over and tore my pillows open. I couldn't control myself. Then I saw a recent picture of Antonio and I. We were both happy and smiling. I grabbed the nicely wooden framed picture and continued to stare at it.

The tears continued to fall, "You've always hated me haven't you? Were you just pretending to be happy all those times? You never liked me at all did you?" My breathing became rapid. "Well that's okay…because now I _hate_ you!" I felt my cheek where he hit me, "And I hate me too!" I threw the picture and it hit the mirror hanging on the wall causing it to shatter.

"_What the fuck_?" I heard Antonio say in the other room. Then I heard him try to open my door, "What the hell is going on in there? Lovino, open the door now!"

"I would but you don't want to look at me remember?" I yelled back at him and began bawling on the floor. "Just go away!" I reached for a piece of glass. "Just go away so I can die alone!"

"_What_? Lovino, if you don't open this door right now I'm going to bust it down!" He was serious.

I gripped the shard of glass in my hand so hard it made my hand bleed. I held the shard up to my wrist. "C'mon…" I whispered to myself. "C'mon just do it… I know it'll hurt but… This will be much less painful than knowing he hates you." I slowly pressed the glass harder and harder to the flesh of my wrist.

Suddenly my door was kicked open causing me to get scared and cut myself.

Antonio glanced around my room. He saw all the damage I'd done. The mattress that was flipped, the cotton and feathers from my pillows, the ripped up posters, the shattered glass on the floor, and the shard of glass in my hand that was now bloodstained.

"What do you think you're doing?" He tackled me making me drop the shard of glass. He had me pinned to the floor and was staring into my eyes. "What were you thinking?"

"I…I…" I didn't bother struggling. "I just wanted you to love me!" The words slipped out, "Love me like I loved you… But…but now...now I _hate you!_ So get away you bastard!"

"_Eres tan estúpido_!" Antonio yelled at me, "Can't you see that I've _always_ loved you?"

"_Liar_!" I used all my strength to push him off me. "If you loved me you wouldn't constantly bring random women home like you do! How do you think that makes me feel? Every time you brought them home and I had to listen to you _fuck them_?" I punched him in the chest.

He didn't even show any sign of pain after I punched him. "Lovino… I didn't know you felt the same way about me," He wrapped his arms around me.

"No! No, don't touch me!" I tried to fight him off but he was stronger than me.

He held me tightly. "I love you, Lovino." When he said those words I became instantly became limp in his arms.

"Why?" I whispered as I cried on his shoulder.

"I love you, Lovino," he repeated.

Slowly I lifted my arms to return his hug. "Please tell me _why_…"

"Why do I love you? Why wouldn't I? Everything about you is amazing," he pulled back slightly and lightly kissed my cheek.

_Those words… '_Everything about you is amazing_'…why did they sound so familiar? _As I was thinking Antonio's lips began to move towards mine and when he kissed me his hands slipped under my shirt.

Suddenly I remembered exactly where I'd heard them and how many times I had although it was never spoken directly to me.

I pushed him away, "You liar!" I stood up. "You _fucking liar_! You don't love me! You can't even specifically name one thing about me that you supposedly love, can you?"

Antonio has had a countless amount of girlfriends and lovers, all of which he's said those exact words to right before he fucked them and dumped them the next day. It _couldn't_ just be a coincidence that he said that to me right before trying to go further than kissing.

_He was trying to take advantage of my love for him._

He looked shocked, "What? I—"

"Just shut up!" I yelled at him and began going through my drawers and pulling out a bunch of clothes. "I'm leaving! Go call your friends Gilbert and Francis or something so you guys can go to the club like you usually do. Go get drunk and fuck another stupid whore because _I am not going to be one of them._"

"Lovino, wait you can't—"

I turned back to him angrily with hot tears streaming down my face, "I can't believe you'd try to take advantage of me like that!"

"Lovino, I'm not trying to take advantage of you!" he grabbed my wrist to stop me from pulling out my clothes.

"Then why would you tell me the same thing you told those girls before you _used_ them and threw them away like trash? Why would you say that if you weren't planning to do the same to me?" I yanked my wrist away from him and continued to pull my clothes out of my drawer.

As I was doing so I grabbed my cell phone and began calling my twin brother, Feliciano, who was living with Ludwig and Kiku. _Maybe I could live with them for a while or_—

Suddenly the phone was snatched away from me bringing all my thoughts to a halt.

"Antonio, I refuse to stay here with you right now!" I yelled at him, "Please give me back the phone."

Completely ignoring me, Antonio turned and threw the phone across the room. He grabbed me and smashed his lips against mine. I was beyond shocked as he pushed his tongue inside my mouth. I tried to struggle but my body wasn't listening to what my brain was telling it. My body had been waiting for this for so long and it wanted it so badly…but I was so afraid of being hurt…

I could feel myself giving in as he began to unzip my pants.

I leaned away from him, "No…" I whispered closing my eyes, "I don't want to Antonio…"

"Why isn't your body agreeing with you?" he brushed his lips against mine again as he pulled my pants down and began to undo his own pants as well.

I shook my head. "No! No! No! I don't want this Antonio! I don't want this at all!"

He pushed me up against the wall. "Lovino, I've already told you that I love you. What more do you want?"

"I want it to be the truth!" I was so angry but I still didn't put up much of a fight as he yanked my shirt off and pulled my boxers down. "Antonio please don't I—aahh" I couldn't finish my sentence as Antonio pushed two fingers inside me. It was so uncomfortable. I didn't like it but when his fingers reached a certain area inside me I felt myself shiver with pleasure.

"See?" Antonio smirked. "You know you want it."

"Damn you…" I whispered as I clung to the larger man. "I won't say it…"

He pulled his fingers out of me and slipped off his boxers. He lifted me up, "That's alright. You don't need to say it because I'll have you screaming my name in a couple seconds." He positioned himself at my entrance and pressed my back against the wall for support so he wouldn't drop me.

Slowly he lowered me onto his hard manhood and it felt as if I were being ripped apart.

"No! It hurts!" I had my arms tightly wrapped around his shoulders.

"The pain will go away soon, I promise," Antonio whispered in my ear, "Just relax."

I did as he told me and the pain did soon go away. It was replaced by pleasure as he continued to thrust in and out.

"Ah..ahh…A-Antonio…" I moaned his name quietly.

"Louder, Lovino. You can be as loud as you want. Scream my name," he was groaning with pleasure as well.

"Antonio…Antonio…Antonio…!" I began repeating his name louder and louder each time.

He picked up the pace as I continued to hold onto him. When we both came he kissed me. My vision was completely blurred and I could barely think.

"I love you, Lovino, I really do," he pulled out of me and I almost fell over, completely exhausted. He lifted me up again, bridal-style and carried me do his room. Gently, he set me down on his bed and pulled the blankets over me.

"I…I love you too, Antonio," I whispered before falling asleep.

I awoke to find no one next to me. "I knew it…" I whispered as tears filled my eyes, "I let him use me." I sat up in the bed and covered my face with my hands as I cried. _I love him so much…_

"Lovino, I made you breakfast—are you crying?" Antonio walked in with a tray of food.

I looked up surprised, "I-I… I thought you left."

"Why would I leave?" He set the tray of food down on my lap and hugged me. "When I said I love you, I meant it, Lovino."

_Could he be telling the truth…?_

I hugged him back. "Antonio…you don't know how much those words mean to me. I've wanted you to say that to me for so long."

"I love you, Lovino," he kissed my cheek, "And I'll say it however many times you want to hear it."

"I love you to, Antonio," I was crying tears of joy now, "You have no idea how much I love you…."

* * *

**(A/N: Honestly I don't think the ending is that great but the pairing is cute so I wanted to write something with it~ I hope you guys like it although it is much shorter [and cuter] than my usual stuff I think. I tried my best to portray S. Italy's/Lovino's personality in that type of situation so I hope I did well! ^^ Thanks for reading. I think I'll do more Hetalia stuff in the future… .)**


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